I see a red door and I want it painted black No colors anymore I want them to turn black I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes I have to turn my head until my darkness goes I see a line of cars and they're all painted black With flowers and my love both never to come back I see people turn their heads and quickly look away Like a new born baby it just happens every day I look inside myself and see my heart is black I see my red door and it has been painted black Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue I could not foresee this thing happening to you If I look hard enough into the settin' sun My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes

Despair. Solitude.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a chronic anxiety disorder most commonly characterized by obsessive, distressing, repetitive thoughts and related compulsions. Compulsions are tasks or "rituals" which attempt to neutralize the obsessions. Performing these so-called "rituals," however, provides only temporary relief, and not performing them markedly increases anxiety.

Mutilation of infant genitalia

With regard to circumcision, one of the reasons for it is, in my opinion, the wish to bring about a decrease in sexual intercourse and a weakening of the organ in question, so that this activity be diminished and the organ be in as quiet a state as possible. It has been thought that circumcision perfects what is defective congenitally... How can natural things be defective so that they need to be perfected from outside, all the more because we know how useful the foreskin is for that member? In fact this commandment has not been prescribed with a view to perfecting what is defective congenitally, but to perfecting what is defective morally. The bodily pain caused to that member is the real purpose of circumcision.... The fact that circumcision weakens the faculty of sexual excitement and sometimes perhaps diminishes the pleasure is indubitable. For if at birth this member has been made to bleed and has had its covering taken away from it, it must indubitably be weakened. -Maimonides, Guide to the Perplexed

Gone

사랑은 우릴 스치고 가버렸지 열정은 빨리도 타버렸지 우린 이별하는 그 순간조차 참을 수 없이 가벼웠지 단지 난 혼자서 잠드는게 무서웠었나봐 아니 텅빈 내 방에서 혼자 눈 뜨는게 두려웠었나봐 조금 부끄러웠었나봐 벌거벗은 내 영혼을 보여주는게 참 우습기도해 서로의 몸은 스스럼 없이 보여주는데 홀로 지새우는 밤 좁은 내 방구석에 끝없는 사막같이 느껴져 또 하나의 사랑이 휴지통으로 몇장의 사진들과 함께 구겨져 늦은 밤 술에 잔뜩취해 이불속을 뒤척거려 지워버린 네 번호 혹시나 해서 전화기를 뒤적거려 사랑조차 new ways always 인줄 알았어 but love is gone 내겐 미련만이 남았어

그림자 놀이 by 김진표

I continue to search for meaning. We are all alone at the end. 아침부터 해는 뜨지 않고 굳은 비 만 하염없이 나를 울적하게 적시기만 웃어보려 난 노력하지만 다 지난 일까지도 덮쳐 미치겠어 유난히 난 감정 기복이 너무나 심한 시간 아무도 모르는 어딘가로 나는 피난 너무나 한심한 나를 모두 비난 내 주위엔 참을 수도 없는 분위기만 자꾸 숨게 되는 내겐 외로움이 이젠 나갈 수도 없는 두려움이 너의 품이 또한 나의 꿈이 모두 사라지고 나만 혼자 덩그러니 아무렇지도 않은 척 태연하게 멀쩡 한척 뻘쭘 하면 괜한 핸드폰에 말하는 척 다정한 척 조금씩 저 수면아래 깊숙히로 나는 잠적 전활건다 전활건다 받아줄 사람이 하나 있나 사랑한다 사랑한다 내말 들어 줄 사람이 있나 춤을 춘다 춤을 춘다 나를 보는 사람 하나 없다 지워진다 지워진다 어느 순간 나는 없어졌다 끝 없이 저장된 핸드폰의 전화번호 막상 걸땐 한군데도 없어 결국 Turn Off 모니터속 내 일촌들 가득한 들 언제 관심이나 있었는가 겉만 번들 괜한 술집이나 기웃 누군가는 나를 비웃 겠지 아마 뒤에도 또 비읍 영시옷 이에 니은 그 소리에 뒤이은 손가락질 속에 나는 그저 그럼 지는 너나 나나 대체 뭐가 다른 건가 매 밤마다 외롭잖아 너도 힘들잖아 보나마나 컴만 끼고 앉아있는 얘긴 하나마나 눈앞에 펼쳐진 파노라마 서로 잘난 자존심에 너에 비해 그래도 내가 조금은 더 나은 것 같기에 모든 걸 감추고 난 비웃고 있는 걸 알고보면 나와 다를 것도 없는 널 지난 시간을 돌아보아도 내가 왔던 길을 다시 걸어보아도 언제부터 뭐가 잘못된 건지 I don't know I don't know 어떻게 해야 하는지 노력해도 난 안돼 나두 다 아는데 내마음을 여는게 안되는데 해도 해도 난 안돼 모두 다 아는데 홀로되지 않는게 안되는데 누군가와 불타게 미치게 사랑해도 커피 한 잔에 웃고 신나게 떠든다 해도 달리는 차 안에서 마구 소리를 질러대도 여행 한다 해도 외로움은 무한궤도 내 인생 흙탕길 홀로가는 샛길 그저 누군가는 나를 기억만은 했길 아니 길을 잃어 눈물이 가득 맺혀 방황하는 날 지금이라도 누군가는 제발 눈치 챘길 이렇겐 안돼 나는 절대 반대 생각하면 할수록 점점 마음만 애탄데 오늘도 밤새 피워댄 저 담배 생각만 복잡한 게 그게 나의 한계 그래 아마 훗날 후회만이 남아 그래 아마 마음까지 결국 모두 담아 그래 아마 끝까지 난 홀로 되어 남아 그래 아마 Mama 결국 혼자서 난 눈을 감아

We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves. - George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four

"People in general do not know what wickedness there is in this pretended word of God. Brought up in habits of superstition, they take it for granted that the bible is true, and that it is good; they permit themselves not to doubt it, and they carry the ideas they form of the benevolence of the Almighty to the book which they have been taught to believe was written by His authority. Good heavens! It is quite another thing; it is a book of lies, wickedness, and blasphemy; for what can be greater blasphemy than to ascribe the wickedness of man to the orders of the Almighty?" - Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason

"My position concerning God is that of an agnostic. I am convinced that a vivid consciousness of the primary importance of moral principles for the betterment and ennoblement of life does not need the idea of a law-giver, especially a law-giver who works on the basis of reward and punishment." "A God who rewards and punishes is inconceivable to him for the simple reason that a man's actions are determined by necessity, external and internal, so that in God's eyes he cannot be responsible, any more than an inanimate object is responsible for the motions it undergoes. Science has therefore been charged with undermining morality, but the charge is unjust. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hopes of reward after death. It is therefore easy to see why the churches have always fought science and persecuted its devotees." -Albert Einstein

An Old Story

"Now the birth of Jesus Christ was in this wise. When his mother, Mary, was espoused to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the Holy Ghost." Now the birth of the Greek demi-god, Perseus, was in this wise. When Acristus, King of Argon, was warned that he would be killed by the son of his daughter Danae, he built a tower of brass, in which she was imprisoned, and so hoped to frustrate the oracle. But the God Jupiter visited the maiden in a shower of gold, and thus was Perseus born. And the birth of the Aztec God, Huitzilopochtli, was in this wise. When Catlicus, the serpent-skirted, was in the open air, a little ball of feathers floated down from the heavens. She caught it and hid it in her bosom. And of this was the god born. The birth of the God Attis was in this wise. From the blood of the murdered Agdestris sprang a pomegranate tree, and some of the fruit thereof the virgin Nana gathered and laid it in her bosom, and thus was the god born. Also the founder of the Manchu dynasty of China was born in this wise. A heavenly maiden was bathing one day when she found on the skirt of her raiment of a certain red fruit. She ate, and was delivered a son. Likewise was Fo-Hi born of a virgin. And the virgin daughter of a king of the Mongols awakened one night and found herself embraced by a great light and gave birth to three boys, one of whom was the famous Genghis Khan. In Korea, the daughter of the river Ho was fertilized by the rays of the sun, and gave birth to a wonderful boy. Likewise was Chrishna born of the virgin Devaka; Horus was born of the virgin Isis; Mercury was born of the virgin Maia; and Romulus was born of the virgin Rhea Sylvia. Many other stories might be related, but of all these there is none true but the first. Millions of Christians say so. For it is in the New Testament, and none of the others are. And to the eye of faith the distinction is of profound importance. -Chapman Cohen

Israel: God's Chosen People

A Palestinian boy cries as he stands beside his family in southern Gaza November 14, 2008. A United Nations aid agency said on Thursday it had run out of food supplies for 750,000 Palestinians in the Hamas-run Gaza Strip after Israel blocked deliveries by the world body.

REUTERS/Ibraheem Abu Mustafa

"Death is the one thing that connects us together. Reminds us that what's really important is who we've touched and... you know, how much we've given. Makes us realize that we have to be good to one another." -Peter Petrelli (Heroes)

Wicked

"The truth is not a thing of fact or reason -- the truth is just what everyone agrees on." -- Wizard of Oz

Thoughts of God

We hear much about His patience and forbearance and long-suffering; we hear nothing about our own, which much exceeds it. We hear much about His mercy and kindness and goodness- in words- the words of His Book and of His pulpit- and the meek multitude is content with this evidence, such as it is, seeking no further; but whoso searcheth after a concreted sample of it will in time acquire fatigue. There being no instances of it. For what are gilded as mercies without thanks or compliment. To rescue without personal risk a cripple from a burning house is not a mercy, it is a mere commonplace duty; anybody would do it that could. And not by proxy, either- delegating the work but confiscating the credit for it. If men neglected "God's poor" and "God's stricken and helpless ones" as He does, what would become of them? The answer is to be found in those dark lands where man follows His example and turns his indifference back upon them: they get no help at all; they cry, and plead and pray in vain, they linger and suffer, and miserably die. If you will look at the matter rationally and without prejudice, the proper place to hunt for the facts of His mercy, is not where man does the mercies and He collects the praise, but in those regions where He has the field to Himself. -From Fables of Man by Mark Twain

Severely malnourished Sadiki Basilaki, 9, receives a mug of milk at a catholic mission feeding center in Rutshuru, 70kms (50 miles) north of Goma in eastern Congo, November 13, 2008.

REUTERS/Finbarr O'Reilly